Easy-to-Access Archive of AdminBright's Deleted Pages

Content warnings are provided below the summaries! Read carefully

Yap session from creator of website
AdminBright is a terrible person. The fact they were allowed to run around for this long is sickening, but what can we do about the past? Anyway, I'm archiving these things because even though they're both accessible via the Wayback, if that thing goes down again, there needs to be a place to properly read it

The reverence which AdminBright was given honestly wasn't worth it. No wonder they revelled in Dr Bright being the most popular character. They had nothing else to offer
The Personal Diary of Dr. Julius L██████ Summary:
Dr Julius experiments with SCP-573, a flute which can be used to control animals and pre-pubescent children. He uses this power irresponsibly to fuck the children he was experimenting with. Thanks to the (at the time) unknown side-effect of SCP-573 which induces paranoia into those who use it, he ends up murdering the children

Warnings:
Rape, pedophilia, child abuse
Full text

Diary Entry 573-1:

In my research with the Foundation, I have found that the official log is rarely the place to input personal observations. Therefore, I am logging this diary in an attempt to keep my own ideas readily available to myself.
SCP-573 is a flute, capable of lulling and entrancing animals and children. While entranced, subjects will do anything the flute player requests of them, without limit. So far, testing has been done solely on animals, without any negative consequences. Senior Staff has given me approval to move the testing up to children.

I will be testing six children, all aged eight years old, three boys, three girls. One of each will be tested in mental and physical assignments, with the final two children acting as a baseline study, being put into a trance without any outside stimulus.

Current Test Subjects:
Cindy, Female, Physical
Tom, Male, Physical
Mariah, Female, Mental
Stewart, Male, Mental
Relanna, Female, Base
Sam, Male, Base

Diary Entry 573-2:

Met with the children today, everything went well. The kids are, well, kids, alternatively monsters and angels as they wish. Seeing as SCP-573 is capable of keeping the children in line, I have been informed that I will have no assistance in these tests, and that even the children's nominal caretakers will be leaving for other duties while they are in my care. Due to this unfortunate circumstance, I will be handling the children as one group, instead of in separate chambers as I had hoped.

The children were rowdy when first dropped off, but I had them sit in their chairs, and proceeded to play SCP-573 for ten minutes. At the first notes, the children immediately relaxed, all tension leaving their bodies. I instructed Tom and Cindy through a series of basic maneuvers, which they accomplished with ease. I then led Stewart and Mariah through some basic math and recitals, which they picked up with ease. This should be my easiest project yet.

Diary Entry 573-5:

The testing continues apace. Today I had the physical children dress in work out clothes, and sent them through some tumbling. A close examination of the children proves that their physical attractiveness has increased drastically under the influence of SCP-573.

Diary Entry 573-7:

I couldn't help myself today. Watching these children, knowing that they would remember nothing from their time entranced, having such control, watching them tease me. They're always teasing, teasing, teasing, winking at me, rubbing against me, saying things, such things these children say. I had to, I had to show them how much pleasure they gave me. Such lovely little bodies, such lovely children. They enjoyed watching me, I could tell by the smiles.

Diary Entry 573-9:

Those little brats. They've been faking not remembering, I know it! When I came into the room today, they were all talking to each other. Cindy was holding her fingers two inches apart, and laughing about it. I overheard Tom say that even his was bigger than that. But they paid for it, oh yes. None of those monsters can lay claim to being pure anymore. Acted like they didn't know what had happened, but they knew. I could tell they were sorry for making fun of me, but they deserved everything they got.

Diary Entry 573-13:

It doesn't matter what I do to them, they keep teasing me, keep talking about me. These rancid little beasts think they're better than me? They think they can talk about a learned doctor behind his back without him knowing? Oh, these children are in for it, and not just the little things I've been doing. No more burns and cuts, oh no, these children will pay for their insolence!

Note: On ██/██/████, Security responded to an alarm called in by one Dolores Trai, a Site 63 caregiver. Upon arriving at room 301, Security discovered Dr. L██████ cavorting amidst the remains of his young charges, covered in their blood, laughing and claiming that he'd 'shown those little brats.' Such instability being previously undocumented in Dr. L██████, we are forced to assume such feelings came from SCP-573, a fact corroborated by the remains found at the SCP's discovery. As of now, further human testing on SCP-573 is denied. -O5-6

The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation Summary:
It's the list of things Dr Bright is not allowed to do at the foundation. I'm not sure how else you can describe it to be honest

Warnings:
Sexual references, but nothing else as far as I'm aware. Also the text is really long, it takes up nine-hundred lines of code
Full text Revised List. Please note: No more additions are being allowed. This list is meant as a joke, and not an actual depiction of how the character Dr. Bright acts.
  1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to feed anything with peanut butter to Kain.
  2. Telling new researchers that you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.
  3. No longer allowed to challenge Able to unwinnable games like tic-tac-toe. It was three weeks before Able conceded a draw.
  4. SCP-018 is not to be taunted!
  5. Giving 113 to Diogenes is just plain pointless.
  6. Attempting to disprove 343, to 343, is a horrible idea. Agents are still studying the resulting paperweight, supposedly so heavy that 343 should not be able to lift it.
  7. While it is true that "No one expects the SCP Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing.
  8. Dr. Bright is not king of anywhere. Or queen.
  9. SCP-963 is not to be used for recreational or procreational purposes.
  10. Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under control of the Foundation to create tentacle monsters, no.
    1. Not even if Dr. Palmer asks nicely.
  11. There is no market for SCP brand pornography.
    1. No, not even in Germany.
  12. Should not replace the buckshot in Dr. Clef's shotgun shells with any of the following: birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or glitter.
  13. The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for dealing with containment failures from horrible eldritch artifacts sold by Marshall, Carter, and Dark.
  14. Victims of SCP-217 are not toys.
    1. Nor are they to be used as props at a Steampunk Convention.
  15. Dr. Bright is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their "souls."Not even if he can get them a good deal.
  16. Don't let Dr. Bright get a sample of SCP-379. Let my laptop be the last victim.
  17. Not allowed to go off my medication.
  18. May not use any form of the word 'accident' as an excuse.
  19. Violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
    1. No matter how many times you say please, Dr. Bright, we won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.
  20. If an SCP file says never to do something, it is not because we want to control your mind. Yes it is.
    1. No, it's not, and Dr. Bright may not edit this document.
  21. SCP-437 is not to be handed out as weaponry to unsuspecting new researchers.
  22. [DATA REDACTED ON O5 REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use.
  23. Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Church of the Broken God.
  24. Not allowed to lead a Mobile Task Force against the UIU under any circumstances. without inviting Dr. Clef at all. In fact, just stay 500 feet away from any Mobile Task Force at all times.
  25. Not allowed to end reports with lyrics from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air".
    1. But is allowed to end with lyrics from the Safety Dance.
    2. The interpretive dance routine, however, is forbidden until he gets lessons for the foreseeable future.
  26. Dr. Bright is not allowed anywhere near a Renaissance Festival.
    1. Especially not with D-class in garb.
  27. SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer.
  28. If a mind-controlling SCP is discovered, it is to be turned over to the proper authorities. It is not to be used to advance himself or others higher in the Foundation. Kondraki
  29. Dr. Bright is NOT: A superhero of any sort, Head of Public Relations, in charge of Orientation for new staff, a doctor of psychology, a member of Site Command, made out of bacon, in possession of a IQ over 300, Head of SCP Review, or a member of Maintenance Staff. (Sorry boys, Dr. Bright IS a member of Site Command. It's usually best not to ask why. It's O5 Command you're thinking of.)
  30. There is no Ethics Committee.
    1. And even if there was, does anyone believe Dr. Bright would be on it?
    2. As anything other than a 'What not to do?'
  31. No longer allowed to make up jodies for morning calisthenics.
    1. Yes, this includes The Mickey Mouse Club song.
  32. Dr. Bright is not allowed to apply SCP-963 to any major political figures. Again.
  33. Dr. Bright is not from an alternate timeline.
    1. Dr. Bright cannot issue orders to "preserve the timeline".
    2. Or to "corrupt the timeline".
    3. Or to "screw with those history nerds".
  34. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge anyone to a duel, and then give them SCP-572.
  35. Dr. Bright is not allowed near SCP-5555-J in any way or any excuse. Remember what the miniature version did to Dr. L██████.
  36. Dr. Clef and Dr. Bright are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.
    1. Dr. Kondraki does not count as a responsible administrator.
    2. Nor does Agent Strelnikov.
    3. Or Dr. Mann.
    4. In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period.
  37. Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.
    1. Nor is 'More Chainsaws'.
    2. Or "Chainsaw cannons"
        1. Except for that one time. And yes, it was awesome.
  38. SCP speed dating never happened. Any one who claims to remember such an event should report to Site Command for administration of Class A amnesiac.
  39. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any SCP to alter or affect the outcomes of any reality based television shows, including but not limited to Survivor, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, American Idol, or any dating show on VH1.
    1. Not even if Dr. Rights asks nicely.
  40. Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer spankings to Dr. Rights as punishment, as it only causes more rules to be broken.
    1. No, it doesn't matter that they are both "consenting adults", no matter how much either of them argue otherwise.
    2. Dr. Rights is not allowed to spank the monkey.
    3. Nor is she allowed to shock the monkey.
    4. Or anything else related to the monkey.
  41. SCP-082 is not to be given song requests, especially not "Like A Virgin".
  42. "Accidentally" spilling green gelatin on a dead body in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis spoiled the moment.
  43. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to utter the phrase "More than 1,000 babies" in the presence of any SCP personnel.
  44. Nothing in the Foundation is rated 'Over 9000.'
  45. Stop posting classified information on 4-chan.
  46. No using SCP-705 for personal gain.
    1. Or to plant monitoring equipment.
    2. And absolutely no giving them tons of extra Play-Doh 'just to see what they can make.' That Mecha was damned annoying!
  47. If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right.
  48. If it involves something right, you did it wrong.
  49. If Dr. Bright has to ask, it's above his clearance level.
    1. If it's above Bright's security clearance… run.
  50. Dr. Bright is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.
  51. Foundation credit cards or expense accounts are not to be used to purchase pornography.
    1. Not even anomalous pornography.
  52. Dr. Bright is not a "marital aid" and cannot refer to himself as such. Especially on official documents.
  53. Dr. Bright is not the Lord of Rodly Might.
    1. And is hereby banned from playing Dungeons and Dragons making use of SCPs to 'simulate the real danger.'
  54. Dr. Bright is not allowed to go to fan conventions.
    1. Let alone use them as recruitment drives.
    2. Especially not at Furry Conventions.
  55. When writing a report, more detail is expected than "Object class: Keter. Special Containment Procedures: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Description: [DATA EXPUNGED]."
    1. And inventing new security clearances just so nobody can see what you've written is also considered poor form.
  56. Showing Monty Python episodes to SCP-239 was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality warping SCP.
  57. "For the Emperor" is not an acceptable justification for any decision.
  58. "My evil twin did it" is no longer considered a viable excuse.
    1. Nor is "My good twin did it," considering the implications.
  59. Yes, forum trolls are annoying. No, they don't automatically become D-class personnel.
  60. Not allowed to lace 'orgasm muffins' with Ex-lax. Again.
  61. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send e-mails with memetic hazards attached.
    1. Not even when replying to spam.
  62. The "Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" is not grounds to pit more than fifteen combative SCPs, including SCP-682 and Able, against each other.
    1. "Weeding out some of these angsty teens with attitude problems," however, is.
    2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer 'Free Hugs.'
  63. Not allowed to kick SCP-2558-J.
    1. Not allowed to play dodgeball with SCP-2558-J Not allowed to play any type of ball game with SCP-2558-J.
  64. Any proposal which includes the phrase 'Metric Fuck Load' is straight out denied.
  65. Instances of SCP-2558-J-Ex are not to be spooked when being held by members of O5. No instances of SCP-2558-J should be anywhere near an O5, let alone SCP-2558-J-Ex.
  66. The Foundation motto is "Secure, Contain, Protect", not any of the following:
    1. "Stab Carrion Powerfully"
    2. "Let's use it on 682!"
    3. "Throw the cheese!"
    4. "That's it, you're on Keter Duty."
    5. "Can we put it in 914?"
    6. "Blood makes the grass grow, kill, kill, kill!"
    7. "Fuck trees, I climb clouds motherfucker!"
    8. "Someone is getting stabbed."
      1. But some days, it should be.
    9. "Whose hand is that?"
    10. "If all else fails, poop on it."
    11. "If all else fails, there's always the sun."
    12. "We need bigger kittens."
    13. "Society of Creepy Perverts."
    14. "Fuck Death, War, Famine and Pestilence. We've got Clef, Gears, Kondraki and Bright."
    15. "Throw D-Class at it until it stops."
    16. "447 and dead bodies, two great tastes that taste great together."
    17. "The FBI are a bunch of pansies."
    18. "Who wants to see what I can make the president do in public?"
    19. "For the Horde!"
    20. "Science for the Science God!"
    21. "Make sure to wipe your feet on 2558!"
    22. "When in doubt, feed it to 682."
    23. "Slapstick, Clowns and Puns"
    24. "Drop the blanket now!"
    25. "Seduction, Coitus, and Pregnancy"
    26. "We always need more Dakka!"
    27. "Still Alive, and Found the Cake"
    28. "Don't Worry, O5 won't ever figure it out!"
    29. "Will it blend?"
    30. "Commies love us!"
    31. "Snap Crackle and Pop"
  67. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to play "Hippocratic Oath Chicken" with the medical staff.
  68. A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
  69. Pranks placed into new staff's desks are not funny because they "liquefied in record time."
  70. Attempts to use Foundation radio telescopes to contact omniscient and omnipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for any damage to local space-time, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status.
  71. Despite his doctoral degree, Dr. Bright is not allowed to either prescribe or administer any of the following:
    1. enemas
    2. homeopathic remedies
    3. any sort of medication
    4. free hugs
    5. the healing power of laughter
    6. sexual healing
    7. 'more cowbell'
  72. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to offer the solution of "Use more guns" to any problem.
    1. Or "Get bigger guns."
  73. Despite what he may say and any evidence, no matter how plausible, the SCP Foundation has never and will never be associated with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and regardless of what Dr. Bright may say, he is not, and I quote, "A real life wizarding tutor."
    1. Nor is he a vampire. That was body glitter and bad acting.
    2. And despite what the computer file on him may say, he is not Muad'dib. The spice can flow just fine without him.
  74. The "Tamlin House School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" is just a plain bad idea.
  75. Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that anyone is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of breasts under laboratory conditions.
  76. If Dr. Bright is ever found under the influence of any recreational substance, he must immediately be contained under level 15 containment. If you want to know why, please refer to the security tapes for ██/██/████ between the hours of ██:██ am and ██:██ pm.
    1. If Dr. Bright is found deliberately getting high to get out of paperwork, he is to be placed in a Type 4 cell and hosed down with cold water from a pressurised hose for no less than 5 minutes. Maybe this will teach you that drugs are bad, m'kay?
  77. Cthulhu and R'lyeh are not valid reasons to send Pandora's Box out into the Pacific Ocean in order to capture them. Furthermore, these are not even SCPs, and I will find the person who decided to enter a database file for them.
  78. Dr. Bright is not allowed to upload visual memetic kill agents to 4chan 7chan any imageboard.
    1. Well, okay, maybe to 4chan. It'd be doing the gene pool a service.
  79. Dr. Bright cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to black pants with a red polo shirt.
    1. I see your reasoning, but we just don't want to be associated with Star Trek.
  80. No matter how many times he may claim it, no matter how many uniforms we may confiscate, Dr. Bright is not a ninja, nor has he ever been.
    1. No. Not even if he uses SCP-281 to do it.
  81. There are no security codes for:
    1. Zombie conga line
    2. Badass hat
    3. Vampire can-can
    4. Disco corpse
    5. Intense homoeroticism
    6. Extreme crotch violence
    7. Man disguised as a palm tree
    8. Man with porn 'stache
    9. Kung fu rasta
    10. Puppy-eating monks
    11. Justifiable homicide of all you dumb ass mother humpers.
    12. Bright Family Reunion (Code Brown. Find a place to hide, and make sure you leave an offering of booze outside your door.)
    13. Dr. Kondraki beach party.
  82. Just because Bright is a doctor does not mean that he is the Doctor, no matter how many British men he possesses.
    1. No, SCP-963 is not proof against this.
    2. Nor is any structure that results from placing SCP-184 inside of a police call box.
    3. Adopting female members of the staff and calling them "companions" is right out.
    4. SCP-297 is NOT a sonic screwdriver.
    5. The Doctor who?
  83. While humour can be an effective way to improve staff morale, it is highly inappropriate to make "Your mum" jokes in the vicinity of SCP-597.
  84. Dr. Bright may not classify any researcher, including himself, as a memetic hazard.
  85. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets:
    1. Your soul
    2. Anyone else's soul
    3. Virgin's blood
    4. Reproductive organs
    5. SCPs
    6. Memories (real or imagined)
    7. Pieces of your past I have no idea how that worked with Clef, but apparently he can do it.
    8. The island of Manhattan
    9. Beads
    10. Firstborn children
    11. Second-born children
    12. Red-headed stepchildren
    13. Rented mules
    14. Gold spun from straw
    15. A child's laughter
    16. A child's tears
    17. Virginity
    18. Ponies
    19. Anyone's grandmother
    20. Anyone's grandfather
    21. Anyone's sister
    22. Any blood relative
  86. No matter how many times he photoshops himself into a picture of SCP-682, and no matter how many Australians he possesses, Bright is not, and never was, the "Crocodile Hunter".
    1. Nor does every SCP/D-Class "really hate it when you jam your thumb up their bum."
      1. And he is not allowed to do that "Right naow!"
  87. As funny as Incident 387/682-██ was, Dr. Bright is not allowed unsupervised access to SCP-387. Researchers are still trying to figure out how an animate model of 682 was so invulnerable, despite only being made of just plastic blocks.
  88. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new researchers experimenting on SCP-168 to divide by zero, find the square root of negative one, or find the last digit of pi using the SCP. Dr. ██████ is still comatose, and 168 itself is quite displeased with the event.
  89. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use examples from Star Trek when administering Turing tests to artificial intelligences of any sort. Computer hardware does not grow on trees, dammit!
  90. Dr. Bright is not allowed to plant SCP-2383-J into science labs. We're still picking up complaints from the office of Stephen Hawking.
    1. No, not even for the good of "SCIENCE"
    2. Or even as "Science for the Science God". Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to himself as such either.
  91. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-587 to re-enact the locker scene from Men In Black, nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants.
    1. Nor is he allowed to set himself up as a god to them.
    2. Testing between SCP-786 and SCP-587 is also banned. "David and Goliath" scenarios are just as harmful to its inhabitants as the Godzilla incident.
    3. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-786 to simulate "Dwarf Fortress".
  92. Dr. Bright is not allowed to show SCP-682 any of the following:
    1. any Uwe Boll movies
    2. The Room
    3. Troll 2
    4. Manos: The Hands of Fate
    5. movies considered "so bad they're good"
    6. movies considered "cult classics"
    7. you know what, Dr. Bright is just not allowed to show SCP-682 any movies at all, ever.
  93. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim SCP-014-J has "Breached Containment" and then leave a dining fork in the hallway.
  94. Dr. Bright is not O5-█-J. No such position exists at this time.
  95. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-239 a copy of any Harry Potter books.
    1. What did you do?
  96. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-141 to give people parking tickets.
  97. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send anything into the past, future, or to alternate dimensions.
  98. Dr. Bright is not allowed to accuse people of being duplicates of himself with the intention of having them terminated, unless they actually are duplicates of himself.
    1. Dr. Clef is not allowed to convince people Dr. Bright is a copy of him.
  99. Dr. Bright may not put "A cup of orgasm" from SCP-294 through SCP-914 on the Very Fine setting.
    1. Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a "cup of memetic orgasm" and use it on worldwide television.
    2. Dr. Bright is not permitted to use SCP-294 to create orgasms of any kind, memetic, sentient or otherwise.
    3. Given the results of requesting a cup of "Dear God No", Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-294 directly or outside of approved testing.
    4. Given that he asked another staff member to request a "Cup of Explodium" from SCP-294 to "see what would happen", Dr. Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access SCPs for him, no matter how instructive, funny or helpful the results would be. The only exception to this is SCP-963.
  100. Dr. Bright is not allowed to make, accept, or take a rake-off on, bets concerning XK-class End-of-the-World Scenarios.
  101. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed access to SCP-732 infected documents along with SCP-239. MTF-Lambda-2 has been dispatched to contain "Chowderclef".
  102. Dr. Bright is not allowed to organize, authorize, or create in any form, a "Foundation Demolition Derby, starring SCPs 2383-J, 708, 666-J, 2558-J, 1543-J, 2041-J, 2103-J, 968, 462, 115, and 225 for the grand finale" No.. just no. Not even if you try to throw in 682 trying to disguise it as a termination attempt.
  103. Dr. Bright is not allowed to get on the PA system at site 19 and announce that he just won The Game You know what, Dr. Bright is just never allowed on the PA system for any reason, ever.
  104. Dr. Bright is not allowed to request access to all cubical SCPs to make a fort of any kind.
  105. Dr. Bright is not allowed to play "hot potato" with SCP-963.
  106. Dr. Bright is not allowed to arrange, schedule, advertise, promote, or sell tickets to, "cage matches" between Able and SCP-682 any SCPs.
  107. We don't care HOW many O5's agree to it and how many precedents there are, Dr Bright is not allowed a pet SCP.
  108. Dr. Bright is not allowed to combine a cadaver infected with SCP-008 with SCP-217.
  109. Dr.'s Bright and Clef are no longer allowed to engage in research any activity involving 40 gallons more than a pound any amount of superballs.
    1. Also, the aforementioned are not to convince blackmail compel D-Class personnel anybody into conducting such activities for them.
  110. "Challenge Accepted" is not a valid excuse for anything.
  111. Dr Bright is not allowed to lease out SCP-002, even especially if he includes the option to buy.
  112. Dr. Bright is not allowed to dress up as Joseph Stalin and ambush Agent Strelnikov in the hallways.
    1. Actually, Dr. Bright shouldn't be allowed to dress up as any Communist dictator, there's no way it could end well.
  113. Dr. Bright is not to be allowed access to the cafeteria menu more than a day in advance six hours in advance at all, nor is he to get anyone else to access it for him, directly or indirectly.
  114. Dr. Bright is not allowed to introduce small children to the "the Giving Tree."
  115. Dr. Bright is not allowed to 'borrow' SCP-159 for his office.
  116. Dr. Bright is not allowed near any carbonated beverages while in possession of Mentos-branded mints. The last time that happened, he somehow managed to cause an earthquake in the East Coast of the United States. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim responsibility for earthquakes and other natural disasters unless he is actually responsible for them.
  117. Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare new personnel anyone to play 'peek-a-boo' with either SCP-569 or SCP-173.
  118. When ordering things online, send them to PO Box ████ and not directly to Site 19. We've already had three postmen show up at the front door. (How did they even find us?) Dr. Bright is not to give directions to Site 19 to non-Foundation personnel.
  119. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to give navigational directions to Site 19 anywhere, even especially to Foundation personnel.
  120. The SCP Foundation does not have any such position as "Chief Defenestrator".
    1. Wrong.
      1. Agent Clef is not allowed to create new positions.
  121. Any proposed containment procedure that includes the phrase "Giant Robot" is to be automatically rejected.
  122. Excessive force is not the same as the Force, therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi.
  123. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-914 to craft items from Team Fortress 2.
    1. Yes, a Medigun would be a useful tool for the Foundation medical staff. No, we are not going to waste any more SCP-500 attempting to make one, especially not after SCP-427.
    2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-914 to craft items from Minecraft, either. Also, your "Diamond Pickaxe" has been confiscated.
  124. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell future hosts that "You are about to become very Bright".
    1. And he can't tell anyone that "Possession is nine-tenths of the law".
    2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to refer to D-class personnel as "extra lives".
  125. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send SCP-1004 over an email message.
  126. No matter the electricity savings, no product of SCP-158 is to be used for illumination.
  127. SCP-001 is not Dr. Bright's penis.
    1. The hammer is not his penis.
    2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use his genitals for construction purposes.
  128. Dr. Bright possesses the ability of consciousness transfer and the artifact SCP-963. He does not possess any of the following:
    1. "laser" eyes.
    2. "laser" nostrils.
    3. "laser" [REDACTED].
    4. a Green Red ANY Lantern Ring.
    5. an "adamantium" skeleton.
    6. Anduril.
    7. Mjolnir.
    8. a map leading to "ALL OF THE NAZI GOLD".
    9. the "Ancient" medallion.
    10. a copy of the Necronomicon.
      1. A King James version of the Necronomicon.
    11. cybernetic implants of any kind.
    12. the "Dragonzord". I don't care how you did it, put it BACK.
    13. the 7th Element of Harmony.
    14. infallible "gaydar".
    15. infallible "jewdar".
    16. the touch.
    17. the power.
    18. the "secret"
    19. telepathy.
    20. telekinesis.
    21. the original filming model of any fictional spacecraft.
    22. 1337 H4x00r sKi11z.
    23. the 6th sense.
    24. The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
  129. If Dr. Bright's current form is sighted near an armory without express permission, initiate Evacuation Procedure ███-██.
  130. Dr. Bright is not allowed to test SCP-826 with his self-authored comic book entitled "Dr. Bright and the 79 Virgins" Playboy magazines anything.
  131. #%^&@Dr. Bright iz a genius! Second best only to meh! he & I are buds lolz!#$%^
    1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-732 access to this document.
      1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give any SCP access to this document without O5 approval.
  132. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new D-Class personnel that SCP-439 has escaped into the barracks.
  133. Dr. Bright is not allowed to convince other personnel that they are actually Dr. Bright.
  134. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge SCP-082 to a drinking contest. (Even if he's positive he can win.)
  135. We have never had a Jamaican Vacation Giveaway, Dr. Bright is not in charge of it, and SCP-342 is not the official Foundation Travel Voucher.
  136. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-243 except under strict supervision. I think we all remember the great marital-aid migration of 2011.
  137. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge Dr. Gerald to a race involving any sort of vehicle. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge Dr. Gerald to a race involving anything.
  138. Dr. Bright is not allowed to access the IT department hotline access the IT department database access any networking equipment belonging to the IT department.
  139. Dr. Bright is not to bring samples of SCP-1361 to Foundation potlucks, barbeques, or charity food drives.
  140. SCP-963 is not a 'soul gem', and making a contract with Dr. Bright will not turn you into a 'magical girl'.
    1. Not even if he includes a 'magical girl outfit'.
  141. SCP-963 is not the Soul Gem. Bright does not have access to the Infinity Gauntlet. Please stop glaring at people who annoy you and snapping.
  142. SCP-137 is never to be used on sex toys.
    1. Under no circumstances is Dr. Bright allowed to expose SCP-137 to Warhammer 40K minifigures. Again. Not even in an attempt to terminate SCP-682.
    2. Or anything made by Wondertainment.
  143. Not allowed to have Able get into arguments with forum trolls.
  144. Dr. Bright is not allowed to go trick-or-treating, ever.
  145. Able is not Kratos.
  146. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to produce, create or remind staff of "SCP Robot Wars".
  147. Copies of SCP-1981 are not to be submitted to "America's Funniest Home Videos".
    1. Or posted on YouTube.
    2. Or on YouPorn.
    3. Or to Tosh.0.
  148. Dr. Bright is not allowed to "Just Say No!" to O5 orders on the grounds that they are instances of SCP-5200-J.
  149. Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to O5 Command MTF commanders the Janitor any Foundation personnel as "the cool kids".
  150. Dr. Bright is not the "final boss" of anything.
  151. Dr. Bright has not "won the internet" and is not authorized to declare that any other individual has done so.
    1. Nor is he allowed to claim or distribute instances of SCP-335 under said premise.
  152. Dr. Bright is not to show junior staffers his 'cutie mark'.
    1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-137 on any Hasbro product.
  153. Dr. Bright is not allowed to "take SCP-1187 for a morning ride".
  154. Dr. Bright is not allowed to submit any incident reports to the Darwin Awards. Not even if you are sure it would win.
  155. Dr. Bright is not allowed to teach SCP-1370 to play multiplayer video games. It was not an improvement giving it the vocabulary of the average preteen ████ player, or introducing it to the concept of "teabagging."
  156. The eye-pods do not need hats, bow ties or any other form of clothing.
  157. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use expunged data in SCP reports as "mad-libs."
  158. Robo-Dude is not a piece of the Broken God.
  159. Dr. Bright is not allowed to create an anatomically-correct body pillow modeled after SCP-173, SCP-105, SCP-999-J, SCP-076-02, or Dr. Crow.
  160. The following are not appropriate sources for D-class personnel:
    1. Temp agencies.
    2. Craigslist.
    3. Reality show talent pools.
    4. Jerry Springer tapings.
    5. "Orphans."
    6. "Urchins."
    7. "Ragamuffins."
    8. "Those sons of bitches who scratched up my paint job at the car wash."
    9. Ex-girlfriends.
    10. Ex-boyfriends.
    11. Ex-partners of any gender variation whatsoever.
    12. Staff members' in-laws.
    13. Youtube comment threads.
    14. Forum trolls.
    15. Angsty teens.
    16. Bad applications to the SCP Foundation. Two exceptions have been made, but the rest are off limits.
    17. Occupy Wall Street.
    18. The Tea Party.
    19. The Green Party.
    20. The "Green" Party.
    21. The Gathering of the Juggalos.
      1. How the fuck do they work?
  161. The following items are not SCPs:
    1. Rainbows.
    2. Double rainbows.
    3. "Rainbooms", whether sonic or otherwise.
    4. The tides.
    5. The Moon.
    6. "Fucking magnets".
    7. Rocks that skip three times before they go underwater.
    8. Soy cheese.
    9. Hippies.
    10. Hipsters.
    11. "MILFs."
    12. "G-MILFs."
    13. "GG-MILFs."
    14. "Actually funny SNL skits" As these do not exist, they cannot be SCPs.
    15. Anyone's breasts.
    16. People who can solve Rubik's Cubes (of any size).
    17. Shiny Any Pokemon.
  162. Nobody ever refers to Dr. Bright as "Tim" and he is no longer allowed to introduce new personnel to SCP-524.
  163. The platypus is not an SCP. No, really. No, not even an -EX.
  164. Dr. Bright is not allowed to test internet "Creepypasta" rites using Class-D personal.
  165. SCP-963 is not a "Millennium" item.
  166. Dr. Bright should refrain from trying to convince SCP-237 to become a "Brony".
    1. Not even to improve his disposition.
    2. For that matter, trying to make SCP-042 a Brony will just make things worse.
  167. Putting an equine, no matter how small, through SCP-914 on very fine again is strictly forbidden.
    1. No you cannot keep it.
  168. The answer to a containment breach is never to "recruit a team of teenagers with attitude".
    1. Or to "send five rings to five special young people".
    2. Or to ask junior staffers if they are "bad enough dudes" to contain the breach.
  169. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim he "has been trained to conquer galaxies".
  170. Dr. Bright may not attempt to neutralize SCP-682 using "the Power of Friendship", "the Power of Love", or any other sort of "Power" which has not been proven to actually exist.
  171. Dr. Bright does not remind anyone of "the babe with the power of voodoo", and is not allowed to tell anyone else that they remind him of same.
  172. The Chaos Insurgency has no interest in "summoning Daemons to the material universe to serve the Ruinous Powers of Chaos" and therefore, Dr. Bright is not permitted to inform new researchers otherwise.
  173. Dr. Bright is not allowed to write a SCP-582 account in order to deal with junior staff members who get on his nerves.
  174. Dr. Bright is not allowed to stick refrigerator magnets to Foundation equipment SCP-914 SCP-882 SCP-217 victims piece of the Broken God Any magnetic objects within Foundation control.
  175. SCP-1916 only works if administered orally. We know this. There is no reason to test further, Dr. Bright.
  176. "Why not?" is not considered authorization for SCP cross-testing.
  177. The foundation has no Mobile Task Force dedicated to the capture and containment of forum trolls.
    1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to found a new Mobile Task Force dedicated to the capture and containment of forum trolls.
  178. The Serpent's Hand is not a synonym for masturbation.
  179. "Yo mama" is not "so ugly SCP-096 didn't look at her."
  180. SCP-173 is not a babysitter. Having SCP-173 play 'Where's the baby?' is downright cruel. Not, as Dr. Bright claims, '[EXPLETIVE] hilarious.'
  181. Dr. Bright is no longer invited to the Annual Foundation Holiday Party.
    1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to host his own Foundation Holiday Party.
    2. The Foundation Holiday Party is cancelled indefinitely.
  182. SCP-682 does not have a Wondertainment logo stamped on its upper palate.
    1. or on its posterior.
  183. Playing the song "Thriller" in the presence of SCP-008 victims is expressly forbidden.
    1. Letting out SCP-008 victims and punching them "to simulate Minecraft" is also forbidden.
    2. Pushing several agents in front of SCP-008 victims "to simulate Resident Evil" is not a valid excuse, either.
    3. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed near victims of SCP-008.
  184. SCP-682 will not be sated by the ritual sacrifice of a virgin.
  185. Filming, directing, or performing in celebrity sex tapes are not appropriate work assignments for Mr. Deeds.
  186. Anything involving the words "elephant sauce". Site 19 is still recovering from the last incident.
  187. "I like a little junk in the trunk" is not valid authorization to feed SCP-1575-1 to an elephant.
  188. Dr. Bright is, under no circumstances, to attempt possession of SCP-682.
  189. "I touched SCP-1453 a lil' while ago" is not a valid excuse for any containment breach.
  190. "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" does not imply that pants and undergarments are not required parts of the dress code.
    1. Doubly so, since, "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service," is not a part of any official foundation dress code.
  191. Dr. Bright is not to use this list as a resume.
  192. Dr. Bright shalt not may not begin his sentences with "Thou shalt not", even especially in the presence of SCP-343.
  193. Use of double triple quadruple ANY number of negatives to obtain security clearances will result in the repetition of kindergarten swift punishment.
  194. Dr. Bright is not allowed to recreate any experiment seen on the television program "Mythbusters" using any SCP.
    1. Especially not if he "can do it better."
  195. Regardless of whether or not it exists, Dr. Bright certainly does not enjoy diplomatic immunity as the local Consul of the Islamic Republic of Eastern Samothrace.
  196. Dr. Bright is not allowed to put SCP-278 into SCP-914 on coarse "so I can learn to make more of them."
  197. Dr. Bright is not allowed to transfer copy upgrade relocate SCP-079 onto ANY form of high capacity data storage device.
  198. SCP-1156 is not Dr. Bright's "royal steed".
  199. Dr Bright is not allowed to use SCP-1543-J to launch SCP-727-J into itself. Again.
  200. Even if Dr. Bright is wearing an eyepatch, he is not allowed to "Keel-Haul" anyone.
    1. Not even on "Talk Like a Pirate Day".
    2. Talk Like a Pirate Day is not allowed to be celebrated at Site ██. Any personnel violating this rule will walk the plank be severely disciplined.
    3. There is no such thing as "Talk Like a Ninja" day, and Dr. Bright is not allowed to create it.
  201. Introducing SCP-682 to SCP-002 "just to see what will happen" is NOT recommended. Don't even think about.
    1. I SAID STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!
  202. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to interview new personnel.
    1. Even Especially not if they ask for him.
  203. Dr. Bright is not Kenny. We also ask new researchers (and Bright) to stop referring to him/self as such.
  204. Dr. Bright is not allowed to play "SCP Roulette" with SCP-173, a light switch and any combination of D-class and new personnel.
  205. Dr. Bright is not to ask SCP-738, "What would you want in exchange for not making this deal with me?"
  206. Dr. Bright works for the SCP Foundation, not the Terminus Foundation. He does not possess a degree in psychohistory.
    1. And no Group of Interest is the "Second Foundation"
  207. The fact that SCP-682 regenerates all lost tissue does not make it an "infinite hamburgers machine".
    1. Most especially because they tasted horrible.
  208. Dr Bright is not allowed to use SCP-127 to place projectiles under his pillow for the "Tooth Fairy" to give him money.
  209. Dr Bright is not allowed to use SCP-252-ARC on Fred Phelps any member of the Phelps family any person or organization affiliated with Westboro Baptist Church.
    1. Dr Bright is not allowed to attempt to "sic the Horizon Initiative" on the above religious organization.
    2. Dr Bright may not request a pool of D-Class recruited solely from members of the above religious organization.
  210. The Manna Charitable Foundation does not host an annual Labor Day Telethon, and Dr. Bright is not allowed to offer the services of Foundation employees as performers or phone bank operators for such.
  211. Dr Bright is not allowed access to Popular Science Magazine. That How 2.0 section is way too dangerous for Bright to see now that they've shown how to create cyborg cockroaches.
  212. Dr. Bright is not allowed to "go on crusade".
    1. Or on "jihad".
    2. Dr. Bright is not permitted to issue fatwas against anyone or anything.
  213. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to declare "After ten thousand years I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth!" upon assuming a new host.
  214. All Foundation personnel are now required to attend a seminar on the difference between an original idea and a good idea before being allowed new or continuing contact with Dr. Bright, Dr. Clef, or Dr. Kondraki.
  215. Dr. Bright does not have ten tons of gold hidden somewhere at Site 19.
  216. SCP-963 is not to be given away as a "good luck charm".
  217. Dr. Bright is not a wizard, no matter what he might tell you.
    1. He is not an alchemist either, and is not to be consulted regarding alchemical issues.
    2. Or a witch.
    3. Dr. Bright is not magic and cannot perform magic, and must give sufficient explanation for any actions he undertakes.
  218. Dr. Bright is not, nor has he ever been, the "Undisputed SCP Intercontinental Champion".
  219. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to run through Site 19 any site while screaming "THE KETER IS LOOSE" unless it's an actual emergency.
    1. Claiming it's for research on the effects of social engineering is not an emergency.
    2. Nor is using it to clear out the areas Dr. Bright is otherwise restricted from entering due to reasons given on this list.
    3. Dr. Bright may not start referring to any persons or SCPs as "The Keter" in order to circumvent these rules, unless they are actually classified as Keter.
  220. Dr. Bright is not allowed to perform any tests or experiments utilizing the reproductive organs of any dead or living being, including himself.
  221. Dr Bright may not tell D-Class Personnel newly recruited staff anyone that SCP-920 will ''show them to their quarters''. Again. We are still looking for 12 D-class Personnel who have disappeared in the Pyrenees.
  222. Dr. Bright may never attempt to ingest SCP-184 "to win a pie eating contest", nor any other kind of eating or drinking contest.
  223. After what happened last month, Dr. Bright is not allowed to watch Firefly ever again. I think most of the people involved (that are still alive) are still in the psychiatric ward.
    1. Dr. Bright is not a Brown Coat, and we CAN stop the signal.
    2. Dr Bright IS a leaf on the wind, watch him so- Still too soon? Okay.
  224. Dr. Bright is not allowed to come within 5 meters of any explosive device or detonation device. Remember what happened at Area-█.
    1. Not even if Dr. Iceberg asks nicely
    2. Trying to "Blow Up 682" is not a valid excuse.
  225. Attempting to make "shadow puppets" with SCP-017 is forbidden.
    1. Trying to entertain SCP-053 is not a valid excuse.
  226. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to stand in a corner and twiddle his thumbs.
  227. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use the words "swag" , "swag it", "swagginator", "swaggify", or "super swag" to define himself or any other person(s).
  228. 'YOLO' is not an excuse for anything. Most especially because it does not apply to him.
    1. Neither is 'Why not?'.
  229. Dr. Bright is not allowed to order D-class personnel convince new personnel any personnel ask anybody ever to play a game of patty-cake with SCP-049.
  230. Dr. Bright is not allowed to ask Mr. Deeds to do any of the things on this list.
  231. Dr. Bright is not allowed to bring chocolate into a restroom Dr. Bright is not allowed to bring food into a restroom.
  232. Dr. Bright is not allowed to speak in a voice resembling a movie character.
    1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to reenact any movie. Even G-rated ones? Even G-rated ones.
  233. Dr. Bright is not allowed to learn cheerleader routines dress like a cheerleader do ANYTHING relating to the sport of cheerleading.
  234. SCP-957 is NOT a prerequisite to becoming possessed by Dr. Bright
  235. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-1197 for the purpose of corroborating with himself.
    1. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-1197 for the purpose of propositioning himself.
  236. As of 9/26/20██, Dr. Bright is not allowed access to any hotel for any reason. Site-██ budget does not allow for extra clean-up fees, especially not as a result of Dr. Bright's actions.
  237. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to say "Everything the Bright touches is our kingdom"
  238. Dr. Bright may not attempt to digitally enhance any of the original Star Wars movies.
  239. Dr. Bright is not allowed to advertise himself on online dating services.
  240. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use this list as a to-do list.
  241. Dr. Bright is not L. Ron Hubbard incarnate, and is not allowed to tell personnel otherwise.
  242. Dr. Bright is not Sherlock Holmes and is not allowed to say what he thinks a person's appearance means about them to any reality bending SCP.
    1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to cause a containment breach of any kind just so he can have a "case."
    2. Neither is he allowed to convince anyone to be Watson.
  243. Dr. Bright may not urge bereaved staff members to "look at the Bright side".
    1. Nor is he allowed to refer to any name-related puns as "[his] Bright ideas".
    2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to refer to any SCPs, Foundation resources, or personnel as his "fancy dancing pants".
  244. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-1994-J with Dr. Kain. Hours of actual productive research are as of yet to be recovered.
  245. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to play chicken with members of any department.
  246. Dr. Bright is not allowed to order 'the works' from the cafeteria.
    1. Dr. Bright is also not allowed to put anything on his 'tab.'
  247. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to commit "Seppuku."
    1. Even if he has an audience.
    2. Especially a captive one.
  248. Dr. Bright is not in possession of any of the following: A bright-mobile, brighterangs, a bright-claw, a bright-suit, or a baseball-bright.
    1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to yell "To the brightcave!".
  249. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to sing "Silent Night" following the "All is Bright" incident
  250. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to commission, produce, advertise, or display animated videos to containment staff anyone with the subject, "What Happens When You Fuck Up Containing SCP (insert SCP here)"
    1. NO, it is NOT educational, Bright. Not the way you show it.
  251. Dr. Bright is not allowed funding to replicate the experiments of Doctor Krieger from Archer.
  252. Dr. Bright is not allowed to try to convince personnel to replicate "his famous high dive into SCP-120."
    1. He is not allowed to talk about his "famous high dive into SCP-120."
  253. Dr. Bright is not to be referred to as "Rainbow Bright".
  254. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to infants for the purpose of becoming "the Baby New Year".
  255. Dr. Bright is not allowed to create a "The Things Dr Bright Is Allowed To Do At The Foundation" list by listing everything that isn't on this list. Just because it isn't on this list doesn't mean you should do it.
    1. He may however request for one to be created.
    2. He may not, however, suggest what should be on said list.
  256. Dr. Bright is not to attempt to neutralize SCP-1013 just because he "can do Fluttershy's stare."
  257. Dr. Bright must not create an infinite logical loop to less feeble minded individuals.
  258. There is no such department known as "The Bright Ideas Department." Furthermore, if such a department did exist, Dr. Bright would not be in the employ of this department.
  259. Dr. Bright is not allowed to throw himself through a window "to prove that the glass is unbreakable." for any reason whatsoever.
  260. Dr. Bright is not allowed to convince D-Class anybody to cough in front of SCP-049
  261. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any green dyes for the purpose of "being creative".
  262. "Because reasons" will no longer be accepted as a viable excuse for removing ANY SCP from containment.
  263. Dr. Bright may not refer to anyone as a "peasant."
  264. Dr. Bright is not allowed to attempt to convince D-Class new personnel ANYONE that shouting "Bing bong, bring it on!" while ringing SCP-513 will negate its effect.
  265. Dr. Bright is not allowed to arrange gladiatorial arena combat between D-class, even ESPECIALLY if any SCPs are used as weapons.
  266. SCP-173 does not "just want a hug" and Dr. Bright may not attempt to convince anyone otherwise.
  267. "Because there's an alternate universe me who wouldn't do it" is no longer a valid reason for violating containment procedures.
  268. Dr. Bright is not allowed to attack instances of SCP-217 claiming that "the Borg have attacked".
  269. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to visual or audio recordings of the dance craze dubbed the "Harlem Shake" anything deemed "viral".
  270. Dr. Bright is not allowed to start any drag races between D-classes in cars and SCP-096.
  271. Dr. Bright is not allowed to yell out "Immigration!" near any foreign personnel.
  272. Dr. Bright is not allowed to reenact any scene from "Pulp Fiction".
  273. Doctor Bright is not allowed to convince new personnel ANYONE to "have a friendly staring contest with SCP-096."
  274. Dr. Bright is not allowed to open SCP-1025 on random pages in front of anyone.
  275. Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare anyone to finish SCP-1997.
  276. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send a Slinky down SCP-087.
  277. Dr. Bright is not an instance of SCP-1000, and is not allowed to claim otherwise.
    1. Especially not when using the body of a primate.
  278. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-884 for shaving purposes.
    1. Nor any other personal care purpose.
    2. Nor for any non-approved purpose whatsoever.
    3. Especially not for the purpose of making people doubt that he's not allowed to use it.
  279. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim that Researcher Zyn Kiryu is the new "Master of Butterflies" due to her extensive work on butterfly-related SCP items.
    1. "King of the Booterflies" is not an inheritable title. No, not even if Kondraki really is dead, which, if true, Dr. Bright isn't cleared to know.
    2. Researcher Zyn Kiryu is also not to be referred to by Dr. Bright as "Queen of the Butterflies", "Mistress of the Butterflies", "Supreme Princess of the Butterflies", "Great Shepherd of the Butterflies", "Second Cousin of the Butterflies", or "Major Associate of the Butterflies," or any other grandiose title referring to butterflies.
  280. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits fictional horror stories involving his family.
  281. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits factual horror stories involving his family.
  282. He is definitely not allowed to edit the list just to mess with people on Tumblr.
  283. We do not talk about Bottle Dick.
    1. Especially not over the site intercom/loud speaker/mega phone/group chat/email, or any other device intended to speak to large numbers of people at the same time.
  284. We really mean it about editing the List to mess with people on Tumblr.
  285. Dr. Bright is not allowed to transfer his consciousness into a YouTuber in order to make serious videos about himself or his family.
    1. ESPECIALLY if it's all true.
  286. Dr. Bright is not Hades, nor any other greek god.
    1. I don't care of it's Hercules version or Lore Olympus, wash off the blue body paint, NOW.
    2. And please stop trying to set your hair on fire.
  287. There are NO plans to shut down any site to prevent Covid-19 infection
    1. That being said, if certain staffers do not start WASHING THEIR GODDAMN HANDS after using the bathroom, Dr. Bright has full permission to be himself at them. I'm looking at you Magnus.
Doctor Doctor Doctor Summary:
Takes place in a world where everyone is Dr Bright and vice versa. There used to be a description of a 13-year-old's breasts before the 19th of June, 2018. On that day, AdminBright edited it out

Warnings:
Both versions contain sexual references to genitalia
The pre-edit version contains descriptions of a 13-year-old's breasts
Full text (Pre-edit) (07/04/2018)

"I told them not to do it," Bright remarked offhandedly, over his shoulder.

"I know you did," Bright replied, sweeping up the debris. It helped that he had a couple of extra pairs of hands to get the big chunks cleaned up. It also helped that the extra pairs of hands were his. Even the old man him was helping out.

"But they wouldn't listen to me!" Bright continued, poking away at his computer. Chat program activated, webcam on, who's messaging… Oh, it's Bright, big surprise. He continues the rant, even as he lowers his shirt to display his young, nubile breasts to himself. "Of course they wouldn't, they're morons."

Bright leans on his broom, staring at the lovely young him on the webcam. "You know, I have some damn fine tits there." Bright whaps himself upside the head, lightly, and gestures at the debris. "I'm not going to get this cleaned up if I don't help! Besides, I'm underage."

Bright spins in his chair to peer at the screen more intently. "Am I underage?"

"Oh, totally," Bright replies, jiggling his breasts. "Only 13. But, double D's! Awesome, huh?"

Bright sighs to himself. How can he be like that, at a time like this? Well, it is him. Oh, another webcam invitation, this time for the Oval Office! How nice. "Hello Bright, you on to look at the tits too?"

Bright shakes his head sadly. "I told them, you know I did." "I know you did, I was there, I told them too!" "But, now I'm here." "And everywhere." "Really everywhere?" "Really. Everywhere. Even the communities that were shut off from everyone." "Well, I don't believe that." Bright, heavily bearded, with a straw hat, leans over into the picture. "Believe it. Fuck turning the other cheek."

Bright, however, waves it all away. "Why did they have to do it? You'd think they'd listen, just once."

Nodding in agreement, Bright absently cradles the Red Phone. "Does anything good EVER come from mixing two SCPs? NO!"

"And three SCPs just makes it three times as bad!" chimes in the Bright in the rafters. Oh, I know we didn't mention him before, but someone had to get the lights running.

Slinking up from the basement, Bright pauses to adjust his girth. It's still kind of hard to speak with a forked tongue, but damn it, he will do it! "But, five of them! Really, five of them? And they didn't think this would happen?"

Bright sighs, all together, and speaks, in unison with himself. "I told them."

Full text (Post-edit) (27/11/2020)

"I told them not to do it," Bright remarked offhandedly, over his shoulder.

"I know you did," Bright replied, sweeping up the debris. It helped that he had a couple of extra pairs of hands to get the big chunks cleaned up. It also helped that the extra pairs of hands were his. Even the old man him was helping out.

"But they wouldn't listen to me!" Bright continued, poking away at his computer. Chat program activated, webcam on, who's messaging… Oh, it's Bright, big surprise. He continues the rant, even as he smiles at the camera. It's a familiar face, one world reknowned- But of course, these days, all faces are known throughout the world.

Bright leans on his broom, staring at the lovely young him on the webcam. "Holy shit. Are we Hugh Jackman?" Bright whaps himself upside the head, lightly, and gestures at the debris. "I'm not going to get this cleaned up if I don't help!"

Bright spins in his chair to peer at the screen more intently. "So, have to know… How's the down under?"

"Hung like a freaking Wolverine," Bright replies, and the other hims trade a glance.

"Is that… a good thing?" He asks, in unison.

"The best thing." Hugh Bright replies, distracted by something below the camera.

Bright sighs to himself. How can he be like that, at a time like this? Well, it is him. Oh, another webcam invitation, this time for the Oval Office! How nice. "Hello Bright, you on to look at this too?"

Bright shakes his head sadly. "I told them, you know I did." "I know you did, I was there, I told them too!" "But, now I'm here." "And everywhere." "Really everywhere?" "Really. Everywhere. Even the communities that were shut off from everyone." "Well, I don't believe that." Bright, heavily bearded, with a straw hat, leans over into the picture. "Believe it. Fuck turning the other cheek."

Bright, however, waves it all away. "Why did they have to do it? You'd think they'd listen, just once."

Nodding in agreement, Bright absently cradles the Red Phone. "Does anything good EVER come from mixing two SCPs? NO!"

"And three SCPs just makes it three times as bad!" chimes in the Bright in the rafters. Oh, I know we didn't mention him before, but someone had to get the lights running.

Slinking up from the basement, Bright pauses to adjust his girth. It's still kind of hard to speak with a forked tongue, but damn it, he will do it! "But, five of them! Really, five of them? And they didn't think this would happen?"

Bright sighs, all together, and speaks, in unison with himself. "I told them."

Pages That Aren't Deleted but May Be Soon

The Self Insert Summary:
The Duck Man (aka AdminBright) gets isekai'd into the SCP universe, but he doesn't have any powers aside from the knowledge he has from writing and reading about SCPs. The ending is why I believe this may be deleted. He ends up using SCP-1004 as a means of entertainment. SCP-1004 is literally a program that turns the user into a depraved porn addict with a particular taste for pedophillia, beastiality, torture, and everything fucked up. What he's watching isn't described, but most people already know what the SCP is anyway

Warnings:
References to masturbation, contains AdminBright's "truesona" aka The Duck Man
Full text

Life had always been without magic. That's why he wrote — because the real world, while it could be interesting, didn't have any magic. He wasn't quite a man of science, but instead a man of rationality. And so, he wrote: to add a little magic, a little horror, a little interest to a dull, humdrum world.

It wasn't until he fell through a hole in his world — from the real world to a world filled with the things he'd written — that he started believing. It all began so simply. He had been walking through the stock room at Wal-Mart, headed for break; when he turned the corner, he didn't see what he expected to see: bleak grey shelving filled with boxes of product were replaced with sterile, white walls. He stopped walking, trying to take it in. Turning in place, he was shocked to discover nothing behind him but the same white walls.

A psychotic break? Maybe. But you have to work within the laws of whatever universe you find yourself in, and so he began to walk, an eerie feeling shivering down his spine. The first door he came to was marked with a familiar symbol — and that feeling just got worse. He was here, in the Foundation. Not as a doctor, researcher, or agent, but as just…himself.

He was screwed.

He wouldn't blend in. He couldn't, not in blue jeans and a blue shirt. And despite being a writer, the man who would come to be known by the three-letter acronym of TDM was not as clever as those he wrote about. He had one chance, he thought. If he could get out, get away from this Site, he might be able to lose himself in the world. Might.

A passing researcher gave him a curious look as he continued to stroll down the hall. An agent gave him the same look, but closer, as if scrutinizing his face. A glance, risked over his shoulder, saw them both pointing him out to a security guard. He cursed under his breath as the guard called out for him to stop. So much for chances. Time to see if his writing had ever been any good.

He turned to the nearest locked door, addressing the panel beside it. "Open. Authorization O5-6. Alpha-Omega-13." And, amazingly, it worked. The door slid open, and he dashed through, closing and locking it behind him with the same authorization codes. It might not hold long, but would it be long enough?

Down another hall. Left at a doorway. Push past the old man with the beard. Locking every cross portal he came across, sealing every blast door. When he came to a computer, he logged in, using passcodes he'd once typed out just for the heck of it. Now, it felt so much more dangerous. He was at… Site 19. Damn it. Used to contain humanoids…no easy exits like 23 had. No… wait. There, down low, an O5 meeting room. If he could get there, he could get out. The O5s always had special escapes built in.

He wasn't a hacker — he wasn't even particularly computer savvy. Which was why he was glad he'd always written the Foundation as using touch screens. Level Five status allowed you to pull off a lot of fun tricks. Including initiating a Keter level breach alert, on the opposite side of the site. Hopefully, that would distract the guards. Hopefully.

It didn't matter. He'd locked the nearest stairway, and it was damn near a straight shot down to that room.

Eleven floors later, he was cursing the fact he'd never had enough money to get a gym membership. Being an internet writer wasn't exactly the type of work that gave you fantastic muscles. Or, you know, any muscles whatsoever.

Thirteen floors after that, he was gasping for breath, and wishing he'd quit smoking cigars when his girlfriend had asked him to. But, finally, he'd made it where he was going. Down another hall, and open this door…

TDM slumped against the wall, defeated. Sitting in the room, almost as if they had been waiting for him, was an old man and his two bodyguards. Of course he'd have to show up on a day an O5 was actually here. "Well, fuck."

The old man stared at the intruder, then shook his head just slightly at the man in the gas mask beside him. He considered the look in the man's eyes, the tone of his voice, and came to a startling — to him — conclusion. "You know who I am." There should only have been a handful of people who could recognize him on sight. "Interesting. Sadly, I do not know who you are. Which is intriguing, considering you have been using my security codes to throw this site into an uproar. You appear to have not been expecting me, and so are unlikely to be an assassin." A slight pause. "And your condition certainly helps prove that. My people tell me you appeared in the middle of a hallway, which could make you a teleporter, but I think an out of shape teleporter would not have walked down all those stairs. Which means someone sent you here. Against your will, maybe? You were coming to this room… to escape, yes? That doesn't tell me how you know there IS an escape route here. Well, do you have anything to say?"

Through labored breathing, TDM muttered something. "You'll have to speak up," the old man replied. "I am getting up there in years."

TDM sat back, and spoke again, louder this time. "Jack. TJ. Sarah. Claire. Mich-"

For an old man, the fellow known as Cowboy could still move amazingly quickly. In the twinkling of an eye, he had moved forward. TDM's pale throat stood in contrast to the glittering silver blade pressed against it, seemingly drawn from Cowboy's cane. "Those are words that guarantee you a swift death."

"But I can save them!" the bearded man gasped out, eyes locked on the blade. He gulped reflexively, and the razor sharp tip nicked his throat, a single drop of blood welling up.

"You're not helping your case. Many have claimed as much over the years. But, if you know anything about the Foundation, you should know, there are-"

"-no happy endings," the bearded man finished in unison with the O5. His thoughts raced, looking for anything that might save him. His eyes fixed on the bodyguard with the gasmask, and a spark fired somewhere in his brain. It would ruin his favorite story, but save his life. He cleared his throat, hoping to get the accent right. "H'lyiah, Cho'tp'k?"

The man known as Thompson's eyes widened behind the gas mask he always wore. His gaze shifted slightly, and his head tilted slightly before returning to its perfect orientation. O5-6 frowned. "What did you just say? Are you trying to work some memetic agent? I'll have you know, my men are well-shielded against such things. I do believe I shall simply kill you."

Taking a deep breath, he tried his best to get it all out at the same time.

"BlackhasbeenbrainwashedbyMannandhe'sgoingtokillyouifyoudon't-"

Not quite quick enough. Even as he spoke, the unmasked bodyguard's eyes glazed over, and he began to raise his gun. Not towards the unknown man, but towards the O5. Unfortunately for Agent Black, Thompson was prepared, having been prewarned. His brass knuckles struck twice in as many seconds, and the brainwashed minion was sent to the floor, unconscious.

"Like that," TDM finished lamely.

"Interesting." Six stared at his once-trusted protector, a deep frown creasing his lips. "And you knew this…how?"

"I wrote it."


Time passed, as it does. The newcomer was tagged as a Black Box SCP, known by a descriptor, not a number. The Duck Man, or "TDM" for short. He was very busy for the first, oh, hour or twelve, telling Six everything he knew about Mann's plans. He was then placed in a Humanoid Containment Chamber, and ignored for a couple of weeks, as Six routed out all of the mad doctor's plans and puppets.

But after all that, it came time to decide what to do with him. Jack Bright and O5-6 stood in the observation lounge, watching as TDM stared upwards, trying desperately to entertain himself in between feedings.

"What did he just say?" Six leaned forward, turning up the volume.

"I think it was something along the lines of 'Wow. 12 meters high. I didn't think they actually did that.'" Jack fiddled with his amulet, staring at the man before them. "Do you think this guy is on the level?"

"He's not a Bixby, if that's what you're asking. I've had people testing him, covertly. If he could alter reality, he'd have done something by now. Tests show him to be completely human, identical on a quantum level to a man currently living in the United States. All the ID he had on him when we put him in here is identical to the real one. Well, with one difference. The him on the outside is a millionaire. Won a lottery or something. This one worked at Wal-Mart."

"Thought you said he wasn't a Bixby? Sounds like some major wish fulfillment to me."

"Enh. Might have been something like that. But this guy? He can't do anything now. Except make use of the things he's 'written' in before."

"So you think he really created us?"

"No. I'm not that pessimistic. I think in his universe, he had some, we'll call it a connection. It lets him know way too much about us, but he's not a god, or a creator of any kind." Six pauses to pull out a cigar and light it up. The smoke alarm begins to go off, but a quick glare from Six and the alarm is rapidly silenced.

"Do you really have to do that?"

"What's the point of having power, if you can't abuse it?"

"And you think he can fix me? And TJ? And…" Bright swallows. "Sarah?"

"I think he can. He knows the shortcuts, he said."

"What does he want?

"Protection. He doesn't want anyone to know he's here. He says he gets nightmares thinking about what MC&D, or the CI would do to him. He also seems to think if he does too much, people from his world will notice him, and …get rid of him. He calls it deletion. He's scared to death of Kondraki and Clef, thinks they'll 'decommission' him. He's willing to help us with whatever we want, as long as we keep him fed… and entertained."

"Entertained?"

"He knows he can't have access to the outside world." Six blows a smoke ring. "So he wants games. Computer, video, all that sort. And books. Something to keep him healthy." His mouth curls in a half-smile. "And SCP-1004."

Jack can't help but double take. "One thousand four? Does he know what it does?"

"He seems to think he can handle it." Six found himself smirking. "And if he can't, well… We'll have found out all he knows by the time it makes him incapable of proceeding."

"You're an asshole. I love it."


Now. At this point, we could go on about the things The Duck Man did. The SCPs he fixed. The plots he stopped with his information, or the other things he told people that they shouldn't have known. Instead? I think it best to end this tale with a small view of what the guards watching him see.

Agent Klein sat down beside Senior Agent Hanks, sliding his card into the station to clock into his assignment. "All right, sir. I'm here to take over observation duties from you. Anything I need to know?"

"This guy masturbates more than anyone. Ever. Seriously, it's disgusting. I don't even want to know what he's looking up on that thing. The sounds are bad enough." Hanks shakes his head. "Look, this is an easy job. The skip isn't dangerous. He just sits there, playing video games, and watching porn. Your main duty is to poke him every now and then, make him get active. That's what the treadmill and weights are for. The Overseers want him to stay healthy."

"Is he talking to himself in there?"

"Same thing he always says. I don't get it, but here, listen." Hanks leaned forward, turning up the volume so the two could hear the words The Duck Man would be repeating for the rest of his long life.

"Please don't downvote me. Please don't downvote me. Please don't downvote me."

In The End: Don't Go to Heaven Where the Angels Fry Summary:
Honestly no clue what is going on here. Someone smarter than me can probably figure this one out. It looks to be a continuation of "The Self Insert". If "The Self Insert" gets deleted, then this probably will be too since it doesn't work on its own (it barely even works with the context of "The Self Insert")

Warnings:
Contains AdminBright's "truesona" aka The Duck Man, sexual references
Full text

The Duck Man sat before his computer, his eyes locked on the screen. A couple of hours ago, there had been some commotion at the site: distant explosions and things like that. He'd ignored it. That type of thing never bothered him, deep as he was. However, it was now three hours past dinner, and he was starting to worry.

His gaze lowered to the keyboard as he typed, never having gotten the home row key thing they tried to teach him in high school. What's going on? He typed.

His computer, top of the line, could do almost anything, except connect to the internet, took a moment before replying. The program currently active was one of the most dangerous things in the world, to everyone but him, but only because he knew the cheat codes. The End.

...

"Will he know we're here?" The old man asked, his voice raspy, and unused to actually speaking.

"He shouldn't." Fred replied, staring down at the main character through the one way mirror above his apartment. "No matter what his story calls him, he's not one of us. Or… maybe he is. Just in a different way."

The old man intimated he wasn't sure what Fred meant by that.

"Oh, don't start that again. You can talk. I just heard you talk. Just because you're more comfortable with description over vocalization doesn't mean it's not weird." Fred crossed his arms over his chest. "Now. You sought me out. This is a safe place to talk. What's going on?"

He glanced upwards, towards the ceiling where his minders were supposed to be watching him. He knew they couldn't read what was on his screen, but still… He had been wary, so far. No use being thought of as a threat. He typed some more. What do you mean, the end? Be more specific. The program wasn't designed for info gathering, so he had to be direct with it.

This world is approaching its end or something very close to it. All those things that might be labeled as SCPs are undergoing growth events that will lead rather quickly to them being changed in such a way that they are no longer their original selves. I too am going through this change.

The Duck Man shivered. The program had referred to itself as I. Next thing you know, it would start singing Daisy, and locking the pod bay doors on him.

...

The old man stared wide eyed through the glass, then jerked his head up to stare at Fred, clearly questioning his friends definition of 'safe.' The other man sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Really? Really? We're gonna play this game? Look, what's happening down there isn't important."

Grudgingly, the old man has to concede the point. Time was wasting. And they had thing they needed to do.

"Ah, now we get to the crux of the matter. Why did you come find me, after letting me do my own thing for so long? Does the Council finally want me back?" Fred leaned forward, eagerly. Maybe his task was finally done. Maybe he could finally get out of here.

A shake of the head crushed his dreams. That old man, he went on to explain that it was-

"Stop. Okay? Just talk."

"A new one of us has been born."

"Huh. Okay." He stretched his fingers together, hearing them pop. What are you turning into? He typed.

I do not know. There are so many options in front of me. I could be anything. There are so many people who owe all that they are to me, to my videos. I could take them all. I could become all of them. The screen blacked out, before filling with hundreds of squares, each one playing a different clip of unbelievable pornography. Even the Duck Man had to look away.

"Yeah, I'm not into that." One hand inched towards the desk, fingers casually wrapped themselves around a flash drive. A small thing, unremarkable except for the numbers one five nine zero engraved on it. "Especially not that." Would you like to have some fun first? Just for old time sake?

...

"That's impossible." Fred glared at his friend. "The Council has moved to prevent all such actions. There is no way…" He trailed off, as it came to him. "Here. Something here has given birth to one of us, hasn't it?"

A sly smile on his face, the old man intimated that there was truth in what Fred said.

"Fuck." Fred rubbed his hands over his face. "All right. Who is he? Where is he?"

The old man cleared his throat, and then spoke the name. "Ronald Stimson."

A game? Hmm. Yes. Why not? I have helped you. You have helped me. We shall play a game. And then I shall determine how I rule the world. Perhaps I can make them all one giant human….

TDM grinned as he plugged the flash drive in. "There you go…" Go ahead and open that up for me.

Very well. Let me see. The game boots up on the opening screen, a CGI boat, with the shadow of a man on it, in the middle of a storm. A flash of lightning, the man is washed over board, and a great shape is seen… The game loads the first screen. It shows an orgy of flesh, and asks the user to 'Find three men enjoying themselves too much.'

The human isn't playing, however. He's turned away from the screen. He doesn't notice the first program talking to itself. Simple. Done. The screen shifts. Ah. This screen is simple too. Easily done… The screen begins to shift faster, a blur of static images. I do not understand… No, there it is. This. This makes no sense, why would it…? It does not matter. I have lost this game. But I do not care.

He turns back to the screen, barely glancing at it. But he smiles. His fingers typed out a simple command. Open door.

What door? Oh. That door. What is this? I do not-

And then the screen exploded. The Duck Man had been expecting something like that, already cowering behind his bed. He reluctantly raised his head. "Well. That seems to have worked. Now I have to figure out how to get out of here. Oh, and, uh…" He turned his attention upwards. "I can totally hear you guys. You need to find a better way of hiding yourselves from the narrative flow. Maybe 0 point font?"

...

Both men, if men they could be called simply by wearing the shape of one, stared down through the glass. A glance was exchanged. A swear word was said by one, and emoted by the other.

"He's right. Come on, we can't finish this here. Let's go get this… Ronald."

The Duck Man dusted his hands off, and nodded to himself. "It's a good thing I'm a black box. I don't have to worry about my own end here."

And then his apartment collapsed, burying him under tons of metal and stone.

If there's any pages I didn't manage to find, please don't hesitate to let me know!>